She hadn’t eaten all day long and tried hard to stuff some goulash down her throat. It simply wasn’t digesting. Another gulp of drink. A quick reply to a text message. Her girlfriends were concerned. They knew how much it had taken her to let those barriers down. Now look. Heart in tatters.
She definitely didn’t plan this. Not heartbreak; not again. She knew it wasn’t even that. Heartbreak would be the wrong word.
Fun. This is what she was ready for. Something respectful and light.
But two people who are checking on each other from day to day, knowing within them they had a spark and memories already created and more to be made. Of the very best kind.
They had it and she knew it. Perhaps he did too which is why it was getting too much for him.
‘Talk, damnit.’ She whispered to her phone. Why didn’t he just talk to her?
Perhaps they could have laid down boundaries they were both happy with and comfortable. This had the potential to be something amazing. She felt it and suspected he did too. Was that why he had run? Figuring out the reason for his silence was something she was driving herself crazy with. She knew she didn’t deserve this. Exactly the reason she had no option but to block him from her phone. Would her mental health bounce off another day of silence? She doubted it.
The bad girls seem to not be subject to this treatment. She knew through observation. She didn’t want or need a knight in shining armour. She wanted some time. Arms around her to help her feel like it was her turn to be number one for a change. She was always at least 4th in line. She wanted that wide eyed girl smile which lights up her aura. Laughs and touches. Moments of just gazing at each other. Such incredible promises of just what she needed. There she sat in her candlelight trying to eat through these chest pains.
Of course she knew how strong she had been before and would be again. She could do this 100%. But she wanted him. It was fitting nicely and it felt so good.
Her mind had pictured their cute moments over and over and perfect would be the best description.
Despite all the girlfriends and even some guys telling her permanently that she was amazing, a great catch for anyone, beautiful, intelligent, fun….she still failed to understand why once the chase was over they lost interest. She was both sad and thankful she hadn’t given herself to him.
The dinner in its white bowl ended up on the floor for the dog to eat. Nothing was digesting past that swollen heart. Applying her lipstick, she noticed she needed to fluff her ponytail.
There were clients to fix who were arriving soon.